Sunday, July 14, 2013

July Journal Challenge! Wait...what? I mean, wasn't it just June?

Yep.  April does it again.   Another month (and a half, as if I'm counting) goes by, and there's another challenge due.   Well, technically, I've blown up my own ATC/Tag thing...and literally just remembered that as I typed the word "due".  *insert heavy siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

As my helpful friend LYNN assisted with the following quote, when I asked her for some ideas to shove me off of a proverbial scrapping/journaling cliff...

Vincent Van Gogh said, "If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint', then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."

Well, well, well...let's just say that this screamed at me.  I've been "blocked" forever it seems.  Two layouts since...April??  So, to break through my own mental scrap/craft/journal blockage (which isn't just creativity-blockage actually, I've been a flippin' mess)...I sat down at the computer and decided to just TYPE something.   So, essentially, I had no page design in mind, no color scheme, no theme, NOTHING.  The page was born - because the journaling allowed it to be.   So - give you......
The typing reads as follows: 
July 2013. 
    These photos were taken on the day that I gathered my chickens from their father. They had been there for their very first time of “three week visitation block” (one of two for the summer). 
    Even though we had first separated in August 2008, this was the first time for either of the kids to be with their father for longer than a three-day stretch.  He hadn’t ever requested any longer of an amount of time for visits, as he had always thought he was unable to “entertain” the kids for that long. 
    At the end, the kids seemed to be no worse for the visit (with Brendan‘s exception of staying at my parents for a total of 11 days out of the three weeks, but who‘s counting?). Though, really,  nobody seems to be in a rush about hurrying toward the second three-week-block.
    What *I* learned for the three weeks apart was…I have absolutely NO IDEA what to do with myself.  I missed them both, not in a “woe-is-me” kind of way - and I didn’t barrage them with phone calls missing them horribly.  I did, however, feel like a hunk of myself was “not fitting right” - for the whole time.  Everything was “blocked”…I couldn’t scrap, I didn’t do anything exciting and new - or even just exciting.  Worst mental block EVER. 
    On to the next three week block - I’m determined it’ll be a different “me” the second time around!                  
HOPEFULLY this will work as a break-through for me.  You know, I've missed having a "voice" with creating things, remembering tidbits, celebrating the every-day things, recording stories...I've missed THIS.  A lot.   I know I've said it before, and just because I've said it before doesn't make it untrue.   The psyche is a weird and wonderful thing most of the time, until it gets clogged and creates a back up.  I've been blocked for a long time, so let's cross our fingers, raise our glasses and cheer for another beginning :)

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